‘Ello Pitch Wars 2015


A lot of people are doing mentee bios, and so I feel like I should do it, too, if only for an excuse to play around with GIFs. Um, so here’s me. Basically, I’m a socially awkward penguin. I have no idea how to behave in polite society, and you can usually find me with elbows propped on the dinner table, dropping food on my shirt, and not knowing what to say to anyone.

Socially-Awkward-Penguin-03I live in Richmond, VA, but my heart is split between here and Seattle, WA.

I have a son, and he is the most adorable tiny human on the planet.* If you decide to mentor me, you can have him.**

In my About tab, you can see my publishing credits. Also, for a while before my son came along, I worked as a freelance business writer and, as a result, I’m great at taking criticism about my writing, whether or not it’s in a compliment sandwich. Revision is HARD, but I love how I feel once it’s all done.

Some boring things about me: I am diligent, hardworking, and (mostly) optimistic.

Potentially less boring things, depending on your level of interest:

1. I’ve been to 47/50 states, and once drove with my husband and our cat from Seattle, WA to northern VA in two days. At one point we got snowed in at Vail Pass in CO, and we had to be towed over the mountain while we were still in the car. At another point, I cried because I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t decide on a sandwich at Subway.

2. Once I went snorkeling in Mexico with some tropical fish. I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

3. I hiked 9/10ths of the way up Cader Idris in Wales.

4. Did I mention I’m diligent and hardworking?


My favorite pastimes include things that your grandmother probably enjoys–like crocheting, sewing, grammar jokes, and baking. Most cartoon movies make me cry. Anything from the UK makes me draw pink Puffy Paint hearts everywhere. I’m largely Finnish, which means I have thin blonde leg hair and can get away with not shaving for longer than you can. The trade-off is that I melt in the summer.

I love all stories that involve kissing, especially stories where everyone is as awkward as I am and still manages to get kissed. In fact, that is exactly the kind of story I enjoy writing!



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OK, I think that’s plenty.

Good luck to everyone else who submitted to Pitch Wars!

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**You can not have him. I love him.

Share My Wisdom:


  1. Jennifer Pickrell says:

    “you can usually find me with elbows propped on the dinner table, dropping food on my shirt…”

    That’s me, too! I don’t think I’m capable of making it through the day without dropping food and/or water on myself.

    Wishing you all the luck in PW!!!

    • Crystal says:

      Thanks! I was trying hard to find a good Bowie one that fit my life, but couldn’t work it out… I’m not really on Bowie’s level in my day-to-day life, haha… 🙂

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